i'm going through a rough patch. i have difficulty motivating myself into doing something constructive and concentrating on doing it. i just feel like i drag myself from one place to another because of various necessities. i doubt myself, my future, my sanity. i have been caught up in these depressive/negative thought patterns, which i have been trying to avoid by distracting myself, like nothing actually really matters in the end and everyone you love dies. it's been like that ever since i lost my grandma (exactly 3 months ago) and it makes it really difficult for me to concentrate on my studies and have hopes for the future. "what's the point?" i keep asking myself. it's like adolescence all over again. the idea of losing my parents makes me wanna run and hide, though you can't really run away from time. so my body gives psychosomatic reactions, which makes matters only worse.
i just need some peace.