i hate it when you're right, dukic.

"As long as you want it so bad, it's not gonna happen. The only way it's gonna work is if it doesn't matter."

doin' yo mom

i find this funny for some reason. and the song is pretty catchy. i sang it all day long yesterday.

one of the guys from the video, ray william johnson, also happens to be a vlogger. he shows some weird and funny internet videos and comments on them. it's the perfect thing to watch on a hangover day.

i found myself in a huge gay party yesterday. i was there with a friend and it took us a while to notice. "is it me, or are all the guys here very pansy? that hug looks more than friendly. that kiss looks more than friendly. that foreplay looks more than... damn it" it was frustrating cause there were actually some cute guys. then we got bored and left and we froze our asses off on our way home. it was a night of unnecessary drinking, which didn't lead to a lot of fun.

it's so cold and snowy here. while walking around in my white ski jacket feeling like the micheline man, i wish i could go some place warm.

looks like i'm not gonna have the traditional hangover pizza with spinach today, because i'm too lazy to go out right now. i'm sure the pizza guys are worried about me now, they haven't seen me the whole weekend.

i'm going to munich sometime next week. i'm gonna spend christmas there with a friend and her family. i have to buy tickets and study a little before i go. god i haven't done anything in days.

but before all that, i have to take a nap.

zzzz

the don'ts of interaction with girls - a guide for men

first of all; college humor presents: honest college ad

college humor FTW.

second of all; i wanted to write something here, but i couldn't come up with something new to tell. so i decided to copy & paste a list about guys being weird, which i wrote in my other blog about a year ago. i didn't just leave it at that though, i updated the list. here it goes:

ever since i came here i've been observing a lot of wrong approaches when it comes to guys interacting with girls that they are interested in (update from the future: i still do). so i decided to prepare this handy little guide for future reference. it's all based on real personal experience.


- don't ask a girl "is that the number of the guys you've slept with?" after asking her how many rubber bracelets there are on her arm and getting the answer "34". to be on the safe side, i recommend not asking that question, regardless of the number of bracelets.

- don't tell a girl she is old after finding out she is two years older than you and if you do, don't be surprised if she doesn't want to talk to you anymore.

- don't kiss your forearm while talking to a girl you like. don't kiss your forearm again, while talking to a girl you like. unlike the common assumption, it is very repulsive.

- while hitting on a girl, don't call her a "bad bitch" and expect her to like that. if a girl doesn't want to share her drink with you, that doesn't necessarily mean she is a "bad bitch". don't be surprised if she doesn't like her new nickname and says she will slap you if you don't go away. in that situation, thank your lucky stars she threatened you instead of putting it into action.

- when on a date, don't eat a sandwich with garlic and onions and try to kiss a girl while you're still chewing.

- "hi, my friends just dared me to go to a girl and get her bra. can i have your bra?" is not a good pick up line.

*updates*

- "i thought you were boring, but wow you are a great dancer" is not a compliment. saying that it was a compliment doesn't make it one either.

- it's not ok to correct somebody's grammar while having an important discussion about the relationship

- if you meet someone in a bar and get her number, don't send her a text two weeks later that says: "hey how are you? do you have my sweater? seriously, some of my stuff are missing". why would i have your sweater and what are you trying to say?

- "i would ask for your number, but i'm sure you wouldn't give it to me" doesn't sound as cool and confident as you think.

- you don't want to hit on a friend of a friend at a party, if you're there with your girlfriend. you don't want to hit on girls at parties, if you have a girlfriend. you want to go home and rethink your life.

i love barats and bereta

they have even funnier videos but i saw this one today and i wanted to share it. check them out. my favorites are "the mantage" and "the douche off".

one of my flatmates and i study in our living room/kitchen all the time, so we call it "the study kitchen" now. our specialties for today are "regression analysis in statistics" and "data processing for a political science project". hmmm yummy.

ladies and gentlemen

i give you my new boredom busters:

why the fuck do you have a kid?: irresponsible parents and parents to be at their best


lamebook: the lamest stuff on facebook

i have to warn you though; boredom busters can and will keep you from doing other stuff that you should be doing. use them at your own risk.

we had to do a part of some IQ test yesterday during a lecture. looks like some researchers needed subjects. the second part of the test consisted of some pairs of words and we had to find the logical relationships between them. the thing is, i didn't know the meanings of many words (german!!!), so i didn't do well in that area. the test had only 3 parts, so i guess screwing one part up will effect the results in a big way. since i had to state the fact that i had a bachelor's degree while filling out a form about the test, i think my result will be something like "how the hell did she manage to get to college...twice?!"

i got...

...

i come from a country where there is a majority of muslims, but i haven't been busy with islam until i came to vienna.

i have a pro seminar about gender roles in religions and i have to do a presentation about the gender roles in islam. i also have to talk about islam in general, so i've been reading about things i have forgotten a long time ago.

today i had a lecture about research methods and the professor was talking about a research about the attitudes of christian americans towards muslims. he asked if anybody knew the five pillars of islam. after the people raised their hands one by one and told 4 of the 5 pillars of islam, which i found impressive, he said there was another one left and asked if anybody knew that one. so i raised my hand in hesitation, since speaking publicly in german doesn't make my top 5 of favorite activities, but i thought it would be ok, because i knew a little something about the subject. or did i?

professor: yes?
me: to believe in god and his angels
professor: well actually it's "to believe in god and his prophets". anyway...

i can't believe i got owned in islam by my austrian professor.

looks like i got "the pillars of islam" and "the pillars of belief in islam" confused. that means i have to do more reading about islam in german. yaaaay!

supernatural s05e08 opening credits

for those who don't know the series: it's about two brothers fighting evil supernatural beings (in a serious way, most of the time) and in this episode they get trapped in tv soaps, hence the opening.

that was hands down the funniest episode ever. i laughed out very loud. i hope the neighbors didn't call the police. for those who don't know austria: neighbors call the police when you're loud.

hmmm

right now i'm reading a 7 page long information about an exam and it's very discouraging. "if you write something like this, i won't evaluate your answer. if you write something like this, you won't get any points. if you answer this kind of a question that way, you might as well shoot yourself" etc etc... it also says that you have to study for at least 30 hours for the exam and if you don't, you shouldn't bother doing the exam. 30 hours for native german speakers means 3824823828 hours for me. oh the joy!

i wonder if i'll ever graduate.

i should stop watching flight of the conchords videos and start studying already.

i'm hungry, but it's 02:37 in the morning and i'm too lazy to do something about it.

i'm sleepy but i don't wanna go to sleep, cause going to sleep means waking up early for a lecture, half of which i won't understand because it's in german, just like all of my lectures.

there. i just summed my life up for ya.

i've been watching this mtv show called "next". it's probably one of the stupidest things i've ever seen, but it beats studying. there is one girl and 5 guys or vice versa and they go on a date. when they don't like the contestant they say "next" and then the next one comes. guys choose girls based on their breast size and girls... ah i don't know... whatever... it's stupid and staged but it can be entertaining if you like laughing at stupid people and cheesy lines.

today i went to the movies to see a viennale film (vienna film festival). it was called "terrorism considered as one of the fine arts" and it was probably the worst movie i have ever seen. after having suffered for two and a half hours, i left the theater leaving my friends there for another 15 minutes of torture. the visuals were all about the public transportation in vienna (except for a few scenes with a girl who had a mustache) and there was a boring narration which didn't even make any sense most of the time, so it felt like i was listening to an awful audio book while traveling in vienna. but yeah at the end of the day, i was terrorized by the awfulness of this film, so maybe that was the whole point.

i took this picture at a supermarket. so that's clearly what flight of the conchords are talking about:

cosmic flavor

i'm still ill and coughing, which is kinda the opposite of alive and kicking.

the only intimacy i've had in a while is the one i have with my laptop. it lays on my lap and we watch movies together.

i'm tired of this whole "i feel good about this relationship, oh this could be something... nope he's a freak" cycle.

i have to go to ikea soon but i don't wanna go alone so i keep postponing it.

once i'm done with this cold, i don't wanna see herbal tea for a year or 9.

my favorite song from the new tori amos album is ophelia

u2 announced that they are gonna have a concert in vienna in august 2010. and they started to sell the tickets. i don't get it. why announce a concert which is almost a year later? is this an austrian thing? something about them loving to plan ahead? anyway i gotta get those tickets before they are sold out.

i think i'm gonna start doing a dance course. it's time i did something regularly.

note to self: find out about the upcoming concerts so that you don't kick yourself later on

shovin' buddies

there is a website called "ijustmadelove.com". people mark the location where they just had sex on the map, along with the positions they had and then they write a comment about it. and right now it says "Server overloaded, too many people are making love right now. But you can still add your marker on the map."

good to know.

so yeah i moved again. it's been one month. i live with an austrian girl and a german girl now. they are such sweethearts. they are both nice and fun. we go out and do stuff together every now and then. last friday when i was out with the german one, i had a near-flashmob experience.and by that, i mean i nearly experienced a flashmob but i actually kinda missed it. a lot of people were doing the beat it routine in a square. i'm so bummed that i just got to see the last 2 seconds of it, but thank eric clapton there is youtube:




oh and this cracked me up today:




family guy 716, everyone. watch it.

lately i've noticed that everyone around me was ill. they were feeling dizzy and coughing their lungs out and all, so i thought "this looks fun, i should give it a go", which is exactly why i should retreat and lie down now.

have a nice weekend. it'll probably be better than mine anyway.

i'm gonna marry you so hard, you'll think it's 1954

i have a problem with being able to sleep while all the normal people are sleeping. so maybe spending the night at a friend's place, who had to go to bed at a reasonable time and wake up early the next day to go to work, wasn't the best idea.

we watched brüno together - i think it was funny though most of it was staged. the interviews sacha baron cohen did as brüno in the ali g show were funnier cause i think they were real. still, it was pretty funny. i especially loved the part where he went hunting with some rednecks. i'm a fan of awkward pauses.

then my friend went to bed and i took her laptop to the kitchen. i was up all night watching hamish blake videos and choking while trying to laugh silently so that i wouldn't wake people up. i wanna marry him senseless.

hamish blake is a comedian from australia. he has a radio show with fellow comedian andy and they regularly appear on the australian talk show "rove". i discovered him while i was watching videos from the improvisation show "thank god you're here" on youtube. to quote the official website:

"Thank God You're Here is based on a simple premise: get a group of well known performers and make each walk through a door into a scene without any idea of who they are or what they're walking into. It might be an operating theatre and a simple greeting, "Thank God you're here, Doctor. The patient's ready." It may be a Roman dungeon, a boardroom, a starship or a talk show. The only things they can depend on are their abilities to make everything up for the next five minutes and cover their tracks as they do it"

this show also has a uk and a us version. hamish was a guest on the uk version too. it's hard to choose between many of his hilarious performances but here is an example:



and here is another:



after watching videos for hours, i decided that it was time i went to sleep and while i was trying to be extra careful not to wake my friend up, i hit a table, dropped some stuff and because that didn't wake her up, i accidentally sat on her legs thinking it was the empty side of the bed. fun times.

oh by the way, i moved again. that is the topic of another post.

to most men who have been in my life and to the ones who are yet to come

I wish I knew what you were looking for
Might have known what you would find.

freak show

yes it's funny. yes she IS insane and it's good that he found out rather sooner than later. still, there are a few things i don't understand:

* how can anyone fail to make someone understand that they are going away for 2 weeks? how can you manage to put it in a way that is so vague? how come she didn't perceive it when he said "i'm going backpacking in europe for 2 weeks and i'm leaving tomorrow"

* why would anyone go on holidays for 2 whole weeks and not have any communication whatsoever with their girlfriend?? especially if they really love each other like the girl said (confessions of love etc).


i get it, the girl was really crazy and, like i said, he's better off - believe me i have had my fair share of freaks and i still do, so i know... i just don't understand how someone thinks it's pretty normal to have zero contact with their girlfriend/boyfriend - her being insane aside. you let people know when you go abroad and if anyone calls, you don't answer. you communicate by texting. you go to internet cafes and check your emails. believe me, i've been abroad before. and if you care for the person you're with, you feel the necessity to communicate, to find out what they are up to and to let them know how you're doing.

yeah relationships... it's a sour subject.

you know how i like making fun of people, or reading about others doing it?

• emails from crazy people is a hilarious website, where you can see e-mails that crazy people wrote. fortunately, some people are generous and kind enough to share them for the rest of the world to enjoy.
  
  
• david thorne is a hilarious guy, whom i learned about thanks to the above mentioned website. if i were to choose more adjectives to describe him, i would go with "very intelligent", "bizarre" and "crazy". but i'm not. he is very intelligent though.
  
  
• i read about this website on the newspaper today and i couldn't help but visit it. ladies and gentlemen, here is another boredom buster: tweeting too hard. it basically makes fun of pretentious douche bags that are on twitter, such as this guy: "228 this morning. Rock-hard abs. Looking good. I'd fuck myself if I were flexible enough"
  
  
• there is also "look at this fucking hipster" where they make fun of weirdos, most of whom are trying to look hip or something.
  
  
• you might have heard of photoshop disasters. the name says it all.
  
  
• i think everybody knows failblog, but i still couldn't help but mention it.
  
  
• this is a website that demonstrates bad english.

enjoy.

back home

i'm listening to the new u2 album; no line on the horizon. it's growing on me, which is more than i can say for the new depeche mode album. it's boring.

i'm in istanbul and i still haven't seen all of the people i am supposed to see. i've been staying in a lot. i've often had company with me to watch films together, make funny comments and eat sunflower seeds. i miss doing that in a living room with certain people, when i'm in vienna. i still need to go out though. it's been a while since the last time i went out at night. i'm planning on doing something this saturday. i could see other people i wanna see and i could also use some cheering up.

it's so hot here. i'm so glad i can finally have the "summer experience" again. i've even gone swimming, it was awesome. and i've tanned, so i'm even darker now. i'm gonna be very easy to spot in austria.

in other news, i recieved an email from my flatmate saying she has to move to another city taking all of her stuff, including the ones in my room, like the bed i sleep on. she says she'll be back in her apartment every now and then and that i can stay if i want. since i was paying rent for a place with furniture, i don't wanna keep paying that rent and buy a lot of stuff for the apartment. i wanna find another place and move out, hoping that i can find some people i can get along better with.

oh, by the way:

"U2 Tickets in Vienna, Austria Date: 07-08-2009". i'll still be in istanbul. great.

nada surf

unfortunately, this is not a joke

sonniXinsane (3 hours ago)

Marked as spam

you guys are the WORST BAND EVER. ever. in history. i'm not joking. i will make a fucking time machine to prove my point. YOU NEED TO DIE FOR MUSIC TO LIVE.


haha couldn't agree more. good job getting freaky though.

it's annoying to answer errors with errors

oh dear facebook, what happened to you? what happened to us? i thought we were having a great time checking out applications and looking at pictures. i thought we had a connection... i don't even know you anymore.

and where the hell are my glasses?! why can't i find anything? how am i supposed to find true love when i can't even find my glasses in my tiny apartment?

ok yes i admit it, i'm a little bored. and insanely untidy.

dear neighbor who lives upstairs, thank you very much for shaking off the dust on your carpet out of your window. the piles of dirt and dust look enchanting on my window sill.

i'm so happy my roommate isn't here to see all this mess. i gotta do a huge cleaning before she comes back from her trip.

i'm going back to turkey next week. i'm gonna stay for a month and a half. until then, looks like i have nothing to declare.

beauty habits men wish you'd skip

let's see what msn has to say to us today:

"six beauty habits men wish you'd skip
(...) Here's a list of things you can drop from your routine. We won't notice, I promise, and we'd much rather have the extra time in bed with you in the morning."

this is an article that some jack guy wrote. ok some of them make sense, but i wanna mention the ones that don't make sense.

Living in heels

Wearing painful stilettos to appear taller wins no points with guys, because hardly any of us notice height. If you asked me how tall any one of the women I've dated in my life was, all I could tell you with certainty is that she was "lady height." Want my best guess? I'd say between five and six feet. But, seriously, I have no idea.

it's not all about the height, jack. stilettos are more about sex appeal and you do notice them, even if you don't realize that you notice them. besides, it has nothing to do with the extra time in bed.

Obsessive leg shaving

When you consider all the places where guys can sprout hair, the last thing you should worry about is a little shin stubble. Men are aware that unless you're on round-the-clock guard, leg hair will return. It's OK, we can handle it.

jack, jack, jack... no you can't handle it. let's not fool ourselves to sound cool and different.

Wake-up makeup

Your lip gloss is long gone, your hair is a nest, your eyes are puffy? Sweet. Seeing you that way reminds us we did something last night that mussed your perfect look. Something we liked. Something, in fact, we're hoping we can do again...

uum i hate to break it to you jack, but those things happen every morning we wake up, even if you haven't done anything the night before. when we're alone it's okay, but when there is company, we don't like them to think "oh my god she's so ugly in the morning". i like your point of view, though. every guy should internalize this. yeah it's the naughty action that makes our eyes puffy in the morning. yeah yeah. i like that.